Beast of a Burden
by Lupin's Mistress
Summary: Gemma was nothing more than a loner but after Sirius notices her that doesn't remain so this is the story of her love for Sirius and all the things that kept them apart, more so about the love that kept pulling them together. summary inside SBOC
1. The Dark Side of the Moon

**Author's Note:** And here I am again posting yet another fanfic...I can't seem to stop but I've been working on this one for a while so...it's finally up...but not quite finished yet! Anyhow, I'm not going to go into too much of it. It's just a Sirius/OC and proof that I am unable to write a one-shot...that was what it was supposed to be. Other than that just enjoy and review...and if anyone is interested in betaing this fic just tell me...and now for a small summary:

**Summary:**

_"I know what you are," he said, now. _

_I stiffened, my eyes closed again, knowing that whatever was to come would probably change me forever._

_"You're a loner," Sirius said, "A crazy, insane, demented, loner."_

_Gemma was a loner, there was no denying it, that is until James and Sirius concern themselves about her and Sirius figures out her so well kept secret, after a day of dodging questions, socializing with family and discovering a lot about herself the only thing one can do is become friends with the guy that you ultimately find yourself liking despite everything he has done to you. Set in the years before the first battle, in the years during the second battle and all the others in between meet the true love of Sirius Black, the girl that he would never be allowed to have if only to cherish the few moments in between. SB/OC/OC, LE/JP/SS_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, seeing as I am not J.K. Rowling. Basically nothing but Gemma is mine and even Gemma's name isn't mine...so...the only thing mine may be the plot but you never know...

OCTOBER, 1977

The Dark Side of the Moon

Pain rippled through me. I took my cloak off and threw it to the ground. My body was beginning to twitch as my bones changed shape. I fell to the ground and felt another ripple of pain go through me. I let out a gasp, a scream too strenuous for me to utter under the intense amount of pain that could have rivaled the cruciatus curse. It continued, however, the feeling of my bones and muscles changing shape was terrible, yet something that I was already used to, something that deep down, my masochistic self enjoyed and welcomed. I loved what I was; I loved the feeling of being something more than any one else. I was proud of what I was.

I was on the mossy, leafy ground, curled into a ball soon after the change. My body was sore but still I felt amazing; I could smell the forest, specific plants, flowers, herbs, and few recognizable potions ingredients standing out far clearer than the others; my peripheral vision allowed me to gaze upon everything as if it had been covered by something before now and my eyes were finally falling upon everything anew, I could even see a raindrop at the tip of a leaf ready to fall if I tried hard enough. I tried to stand, failing each time. When I finally managed it, I threw my head back and howled. I smiled a wolf smile before running around in circles and throwing myself to the ground and lying on my back, rolling about playfully. This is what I loved, the freedom that came with this form.

I stopped playing when another howl came from somewhere across the grounds. I sniffed the air, barely making out the smell of the other werewolf. As I took my time to smell the air however, I picked up the smell of three humans, one smelt like dirt and some sort of alcoholic beverage I couldn't place. The other two had the smell of alcohol but while one had the left over scent of something sweet like the perfume of a woman the other smelt like parchment and ink. I walked in their direction, slowly—quietly. They were familiar, not only their smell but the way they looked. I didn't care. I let out a growl.

One of them turned and gasped.

I growled again.

Something was thrown against me, suddenly, a heavy weight landing on top of me as I fell to the ground. Noticing that the heavy thing was a large black dog, I pushed him off and growled once more. He growled back and we both jumped at each other. I felt something cut into my back leg. I whimpered, feeling my blood running out of the wound and start to mat into my fur. I moved away from the shaggy dog and slowly lay down, hoping they wouldn't hurt me now that I couldn't really defend myself. They seemed to consider me before walking away and leaving me there as if I was nothing to them, the dog walking with them, limping slightly; at least I wasn't the only one hurt.

I began cleaning my wound with my tongue before I tried to stand, on my first attempt I stumbled and fell. When I tried again I managed to stand with a limp. I walked farther into the forest, smelling the air. I found a good spot near a tree and lay down. My eyes closed and the next thing I knew, I was waking up and light was drifting all around me. I was no longer in my werewolf form.

The first thing I felt was the pain on my leg, the long, deep cut wasn't bleeding but dry blood surrounded it. I didn't bother with cleaning it and instead I stood up, still limping.

I didn't mind being naked, being used to it since childhood. I did, however, know that I need my cloak to head back into the school; I couldn't just walk through the hallways without anything to cover me. I wasn't that okay with being naked.

It took me a while to find my cloak, what with my limping. The cut was deep and I had no idea what I cut it up with, there were many dangerous things in the forest floors that could have done it, as I thought about this I found the cloak and threw it on.

No one was awake at this time of day; I hoped that no one was around, anyhow. I walked to the school and entered it, not bothering to go into the Hospital Wing. No one knew I was a werewolf save for the headmaster, but we had an agreement; most of the time I didn't follow it. My nights were supposed to be spent in the confines of the room of requirement; the come and go room, but they rarely ever were. I mostly went out to the forbidden forest where I had almost attacked someone. Had I done it I would have been in a lot of trouble, the risk that I took for simple pleasures needed to stop, I couldn't put the other students or teachers in danger, if the dog hadn't shown up what terrible things could I have done? Most of the time, even though books said otherwise, I stayed within my mind when I was in my other form, a surprising fact, as it were, since everyone always said we never kept our minds during transformations. Maybe some of us could control it. I had never met another werewolf so I didn't know if that was true, but it was a theory I wanted to test.

The Gryffindor common room was nearly always empty when I entered it the morning after one of my excursions, as I liked to call them. However on this morning three boys sat by the fire. One was nursing a deep, nasty looking wound on his arm which looked rather painful which I doubted it was much worst than my leg while he also, with the other two hunched over some sort of book. I tried to limp as quietly as I could past them but I tended to often be clumsy, hence, I tripped over nearly everything that was in remote closeness to her feet. It wasn't much of a surprise for me that I got more injuries from my clumsiness than I did from being a werewolf and so when I ended up tripping over a misplaced bag, my leg hitting the floor hard, I wasn't as surprised as I should have been. I winced and cried out in pain. The three boys turned to look at me.

"Are you alright?" One of the boys ran to my side. He had hazel eyes hidden behind glasses and messy hair. I recognized him as James Potter.

"Yes, I'm okay." I said and stood up, my leg hurt terribly, much worst than before and I knew it had started bleeding again. I still only had my cloak on so I held it closed as I supported myself with the wall and trying to walk to the stairs.

James Potter watched me for a moment and then, "Stop."

"What?" I asked, stopping even though I should have just ignored him and walked up the stairs. This was probably my first mistake concerning the marauders.

"You're not okay, come on, we can take you to the hospital wing." This time it was his friend who spoke. I knew him as Peter Pettigrew even though I had never spoken one word to him.

I looked at Sirius Black, the last of their group at the moment seeing as Remus Lupin, the last of the marauders, was not present. I wondered where he was for a moment before I answered Sirius' questioning glance. It seemed that he agreed with Peter.

"I can take care of myself," I told him. "I've been doing it for years." This I muttered, not thinking that he would hear it.

He frowned at me. "What could you mean by that?" he asked, standing up, holding his arm tenderly as he walked closer to where I stood.

"Why don't you go to the hospital wing?" I asked, looking at his arm.

"None of your business," he said, looking down at me.

I felt short and small compared to him.

He was about a foot taller than me and had a way of looking down at people that made them feel much less than they usually were. His piercing blue eyes made it much worse, however, what with the way they seemed to look right through you. He was still in front of me but I wanted to move back and to have him not notice me like usual. Why he was even bothering with me was something to wonder at, he never had before. I had never shared more than five words with Sirius Black in all my seven years at Hogwarts and now suddenly here he was looking at me worriedly. James was a different story. He was always trying to get me to convince Lily Evans to go out with him. We weren't exactly friends, either. James and I, I mean. Not that Lily was my friend. Far from it, we were mere acquaintances. I had no friends.

I pushed him away and he fell back and stared at me, probably at the strength with which I managed to push him. I gripped the wall, taking in deep breaths. I was tired and weak and I wanted nothing more than to get to my dorm and clean my leg up, heal it with the few potions stolen from the hospital wing and have an hour or so nap before I had classes to attend. Pushing Sirius had taken a lot of my energy already and I was much too weary to want to stand against the wall arguing over things such as if I would go to the hospital wing or not. The thing about werewolves was that we were strong physically and could hurt someone easily but we weren't all powerful especially after such a stressful night and so rest was a very wanted thing. I barely ever got it but managed all the same.

I walked to the stairs and looked back at them. Sirius had a strange expression on his face as he watched me go while his two friends looked at him. I turned back and made my way to my dorm, hoping none of my room mates were up yet. They weren't, thankfully.

I didn't have enough balm to put on my cut so it didn't fully heal, I also didn't know any spells and the few potions I had were of no use to me they were for pain, not healing. I would need to have to have another night of scrounging through Madame Pomfrey's potions. I hated to steal but I was terrible at potions. I could probably end up poisoning myself if I attempted to drink one of the potions I made. It was a wonder I was passing potions but then with a partner like Severus Snape who wouldn't? He refused to let me even near the ingredients half the time.

I did the best I could to fix up my cut, getting the dirt out of it, and then I took a potion for my sore body before falling into the bed, not caring that I was a mess with leaves in my hair and dirt all over my naked body, having been too tired to get into any sort of clothes before sleeping. I slept peacefully for what felt like a minute and then I was being shaken awake by Lily Evans. Behind her stood Lily's best friend, Shelby Abbot. Both looked at me with concern.

"Are you alright?" Shelby asked. "You look, no offence, but you look like crap."

I gave a small chuckle and cough. "I'll be alright," I said.

"No," Lily said, she touched my forehead, her hand feeling cold against my skin. "You have a fever. I'll tell Professor McGonagall. She'll excuse you from class. I'll bring you the notes for everything later."

I laughed. "Great, I'm sick and all you can think about is getting me notes from the day I miss."

They shrugged and walked back to their stuff. I was glad, in a way, to be sick. I rarely ever got sick the day after the full moon, I seemed to recover quickly so that I always had to suffer the boring tones of my professors going on about something or other, not that I ever listened in class even on normal days. I didn't do badly at school, either. I did pretty well, I just didn't enjoy sitting in class especially after the full moon. I watched them go and turned over on my side. I didn't fall asleep for another fifteen minutes but just lying there, rather than getting ready for class, it made it all better.

-

I slept for two hours before I was awakened by something jumping on my bed, a cat. I didn't like cats; they were terrible creatures, in my opinion. I pushed it away and it fell off the bed before running off, probably to bother someone else. I sat up, feeling much better and yet, still completely nude underneath my sheets. After deciding to take a shower, the thought of getting something to eat crossed my mind and then my stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before for worrying about the change.

I took a long shower, enjoying how the hot water felt against my tense muscles and just loving the trickling of water running down the length of my body. A shower was one of the few things that I could not live without. I stood underneath the water long after I was finished before dressing quickly.

I walked back into my room wearing shorts and a black shirt. I took a seat on my bed and folded my leg in front of me, perfect for me to look at the cut. I touched it, softly. Blood no longer came out of it, the salve had done part of its job, it hadn't closed the cut but it had at least stopped the flow of the blood. I was going to need more salve. The salve worked for a long time, however, it had to be an exact amount otherwise the power of it ran out. If I had, had enough salve the cut would have been healed. For the moment the blood had stopped but it wouldn't last longer than twelve hours. I would need the salve tonight.

It was at this moment, as I was looking at my cut that they entered the room, looking a little red faced and laughing. I threw a green throw over my legs, hoping they wouldn't notice the cut and then I shot each of them a glare. James and Sirius had apparently left Peter behind and Remus was probably off in the library studying. He was odd that way.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked, none too happy to have them there and quite surprised to see that they had a way of getting up the girls' staircase.

"We wanted to know if you were alright." James said, being the brave one and walking to my side.

"Why would you want to?" I asked, not only surprised that they had come to see me but also annoyed at the fact.

When neither responded I spoke again, "Alright," I said. "You've seen me, now, can you leave." I watched them, hoping they would leave.

They didn't instead they just smiled at me.

"Shelby said you had a fever. You should have gone to Madame Pomfrey's. Unless it was that you stayed here because of your leg. Is it alright?"

"Yes, better than your arm, even." I said.

His arm was covered in one big bandage, not something done Madame Pomfrey, considering that she had enough salve and knew spells that could help the healing process. I wondered what he had done to it, for some odd reason I had some sort of idea what, but it was faint. When I said that I retained my consciousness, I meant that I knew most of what happened unless the wolf took over completely, like when a human was around, and some had been, but I had fought a dog, not a person and certainly not Sirius Black.

He glared at me and I smiled back. I moved in the bed to better position my leg and didn't feel the throw slip, and then my leg came into view a moment later and James pushed the throw away, letting it fall to the ground. He took a look at my leg with surprise.

"How did that happen?" he asked, staring at me, curiosity shinning in his eyes.

I said nothing and instead pulled my leg away. "It is none of your business." I told them much like Sirius had said to me when I asked about his arm.

Sirius pushed James away and knelt next to my leg. He looked at the cut and brought a hand to it, examining it. For some reason I didn't pull away. He said nothing but just looked at me strangely before he walked out of the room as if he knew something that he wasn't willing to share. He had seemed so concentrated and concerned as he looked at my leg that it made me wonder if this was really the Sirius Black who threw magical water balloons at me in third year that made my ears grow a foot long

"We brought you some food," James said, softly, he handed me a small paper plate covered with napkins before walking out of the room after his best friend, I could tell he was quite worried about him.

That was the one thing I admired about them, overall, perhaps because of who my family happened to be, their loyalty. Granted they were an odd pair, the two main trouble makers of the marauders, they were loyal to each other, their friends, their house, and most likely their family even though--I didn't know this for sure--it was often said that Sirius had run away from home to James' house. In a way they were needed at Hogwarts and I did respect them to an extent. They were usually behind the pranks that went on in school; they were also the one group I wanted to keep my lycanthropy from the most. I was afraid that they would tell everyone and I would end up being ridiculed and shunned with everyone afraid of me. I changed into a pair of jeans and then threw my cloak on. I was still weak and tired but restless. I didn't want to go to lessons but I knew that maybe hiding out in the library would work out well for me. Books would be a comfort, after all.

I un-wrapped the napkins once my stomach grumbled again and found a ham and cheese sandwich. I smiled slightly before bringing it to my lips and taking a bite. At least it wasn't something like roast beef. That I couldn't stand.

**Author's Note: **So here's to hoping that I've got some readers now...lol...anyhow, I'll put up the next part soon, each part of this fic is titled after either a song line or title, just so you know...though I can't tell you which they are anymore...-laughs- and I do have pictures for every chapter so go check them out in my profile...and please review...I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...


	2. Chaos That Controlled My Mind

**Author's Note:** And another chapter...hopefully someone will review this time and encourage updates...

**Summary:**

_"I know what you are," he said, now. _

_I stiffened, my eyes closed again, knowing that whatever was to come would probably change me forever._

_"You're a loner," Sirius said, "A crazy, insane, demented, loner."_

_Gemma was a loner, there was no denying it, that is until James and Sirius concern themselves about her and Sirius figures out her so well kept secret, after a day of dodging questions, socializing with family and discovering a lot about herself the only thing one can do is become friends with the guy that you ultimately find yourself liking despite everything he has done to you. Set in the years before the first battle, in the years during the second battle and all the others in between meet the true love of Sirius Black, the girl that he would never be allowed to have if only to cherish the few moments in between. SB/OC/OC, LE/JP/SS_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, seeing as I am not J.K. Rowling. Basically nothing but Gemma is mine and even Gemma's name isn't mine...so...the only thing mine may be the plot but you never know...

**OCTOBER, 1977**

**Chaos that Controlled My Mind**

Books have always had a way for me to loose myself. A small kind of something that made the worries of real life disappear. Some specific ones I could read for as many times as possible and never get tired of, they were my comforts and had been for the longest time. When I arrived at the library I welcomed the quiet that meant no one was around save for the few people who were actually working. I had never been in the library when it was so quiet, usually there were people hanging out with friends talking in loud whispers or stalker like girls following around James Potter in giggling groups that disrupted the few people that were actually trying to work. Not that I would do something like that, don't get me wrong, school work got done by me and my grades didn't suffer a lot, it's just I disliked, unlike some people I knew, to work on my homework. I think this was the reason I didn't get along with Lily so much. She liked doing homework and studying. She was like Remus, an oddity. Shelby I could live with, she was like me in many respects.

I chose to sit near the back of the library with books surrounding me so that no one would be able to see me while I sat there and did nothing. I had my favorite book with me but I was just staring at it, not really caring what the page said, I knew it by memory anyway.

Somehow I ended up lying on my back on top of the table, the books surrounding me, no one could see me now, unless they looked down on me but I doubted anyone would, the books were so tall around me, or so they looked. I didn't expect, after I closed my eyes, to find a pair of eyes staring at me.

"Hello," I said, not bothering to get up.

He said nothing but instead smiled. After a long moment, "What are you doing?"

"Thinking," I answered, closing my eyes again but still feeling his stare on me.

"Do you always think while lying on a table surrounded by books?" he was still smiling, I just knew somehow even without opening my eyes.

I opened one eye and looked at him. "Not often, just sometimes, it depends on what day it is."

He chuckled. "I know what you are," he said, now.

I stiffened, my eyes closed again, knowing that whatever was to come would probably change me forever.

"You're a loner," Sirius said, "A crazy, insane, demented, loner."

I gave a sigh of relief, my eyes still closed, I relaxed. "Is that all?" I asked.

"I don't even know your name," Sirius said, now, acting, not to use this as a pun, serious.

"So much for you actually knowing me."

"What is it?" he asked.

"What is what?"

"Your name, what is your name?" he said, more impatient this time.

"My name," I said, staring at him for a long moment. "Gemma."

"Gemma." he repeated. "Gemma what?"

I opened my eyes. "Is that necessary to be discussed?" I asked.

I have never told anyone my last name. In a way I didn't have one. I was Gemma, just Gemma. Whenever anyone heard my last name they thought they knew who I was, they were usually wrong. My family and I didn't speak, any family I had left, anyhow; my aunt, uncle, and cousin. I barely knew them. I had never met my aunt or uncle and my cousin I had seen at school. He had been--probably still was--a pompous jerk.

My mother was disowned at the age of sixteen when she became pregnant with me. She never married my father, a muggle-born Ravenclaw. She was a Slytherin and should not have even talked to him, she was different.

My mother didn't finish her seventh year but instead took all of the money my grandmother left her and got her own flat. She raised me as best as she could until I was fourteen, when she died. My next of kin knew I existed at least I thought they did but we didn't mix, it was to be expected. When she died, I was left to her best friend, a perfect way of life for me, unbothered by Amelia. My only problem was that I was a werewolf. I had been since the age of five. My mother told me once that it was her fault, to never blame myself, that it was her fault and hers alone. Grayback should never have bit me had she done what she was supposed to. I never understood what she hadn't done. It killed her to see me change into a monster every month but she still somehow managed to talk Dumbledore into allowing me into Hogwarts. She did a lot for me and I know she loved me quite a bit but truth be told I never knew my mother; she was so secretive about everything other than the basic things that even the neighbor you never talked to would know.

Sirius was watching me. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"My mother," I answered.

"Is that all you can think about when such a handsome young chap such as myself is in your presence? Your mother."

I glared at him, getting up. I felt sharp pain on my leg, and ignoring it, I stood up.

"My mother is dead," I informed him as I walked away.

I didn't get far but I made a good get away from Sirius, at least I thought so but I didn't know he had followed me until I leaned in pain against the wall and he was standing in front of me a moment later.

"I'm sorry," he said, helping me steady myself. The places his hands touched me turned warm and I felt something shoot through me when he touched me.

"It's been a while but I still feel the pain of loosing her. She was the only person I have ever had in my life," I said, realizing I still had my favorite book in my hand. "And I'm okay with that, it isn't that I'm not, it's just, I like being alone but sometimes I want to have her back on days like today I miss her the most."

"Days after the full moon you mean?" he asked.

I stiffened, my eyes going wide. Did he know or was he just joking?

"I have to go," I told him and tried my best to run from him.

As I left I heard him chuckle.

**Author's Note: **Nothing much to say other than I hope you readers do review and that you are enjoying this story...I'd just like some feedback...other than that...questions are welcome...


	3. Time Taketh Away

**Author's Note:** There you go, a new chapter! And another to come sometime today as well...enjoy!

**Summary:**

_"I know what you are," he said, now. _

_I stiffened, my eyes closed again, knowing that whatever was to come would probably change me forever._

_"You're a loner," Sirius said, "A crazy, insane, demented, loner."_

_Gemma was a loner, there was no denying it, that is until James and Sirius concern themselves about her and Sirius figures out her so well kept secret, after a day of dodging questions, socializing with family and discovering a lot about herself the only thing one can do is become friends with the guy that you ultimately find yourself liking despite everything he has done to you. Set in the years before the first battle, in the years during the second battle and all the others in between meet the true love of Sirius Black, the girl that he would never be allowed to have if only to cherish the few moments in between. SB/OC/OC, LE/JP/SS_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, seeing as I am not J.K. Rowling. Basically nothing but Gemma is mine and even Gemma's name isn't mine...so...the only thing mine may be the plot but you never know...

**OCTOBER, 1977**

**Time Taketh Away**

Malfoy.

That was my last name. I begin there mostly because of what happened to me after I left Mr. Smug A.K.A. Sirius Black. I was walking to the room of requirement, hoping I wouldn't be bothered there. Of course when one wants peace and quiet it never seems to happen. This was the case with me. I was still limping, walking as slowly as ever when he showed up. I didn't even know what he was doing there in the seventh floor corridor in the first place.

Lucius Malfoy, looked ever so aristocratic, his gray eyes falling on me as I approached his face breaking out into a sneer as I glared back.

"Gemma," He said.

"Lucius," I said as cold as possible.

He smirked. "What's wrong with your leg?"

"Nothing," I said. "Nothing at all. Now, I am going to leave you and pretend that I haven't seen you, good-bye."

I made to walk away but he took me by the arm, stopping me. "I'm here for you, Gemma. I was just going to Dumbledore to ask him if I could take you with me to the manor."

"The manor?" I asked.

He nodded. "My father would like to talk to you. He loved your mother, you see. My grandfather was, as father put it this morning, a lying prick, to use some of his less colorful words. My father was under the impression that your mother left on her own. He wasn't even aware of her death until quite recently and he wishes to see you."

I blinked, surprised, not knowing what I could say to that. He steered me in the direction of the headmaster's office and then muttered the password.

-

Half an hour later found me hurrying after Lucius Malfoy, my leg having been fixed by my cousin; I guess I should get used to calling him that. When we arrived at the gates he took my arm and apparated us to another gate. It was here that I would meet my uncle. Abbraxas Malfoy was a tall man, looking much like his son with long blond hair and gray eyes. It was, perhaps, only the smile he greeted me with and the worry lines on his pale face that made him different from his son.

"You look much like your mother," He said as if this was greeting enough.

"So I've been told," I retorted with my own greeting.

He smirked. I smiled slightly because I knew this to be my smirk; I could have placed it anywhere.

"I can see you also have her wit," He said, now. "She was a beautiful person, I never expected her to be involved with the crowd my father wanted her in. I feel terrible for not having questioned her disappearance or for not having searched for her."

"I shall leave you, then, Father, cousin," Lucius said, nodding at the two of us and leaving the room.

"You should excuse him; he can be rather rude when he wants to be. I want to know where you have been staying."

I didn't know how to answer this question, it was just one of those questions which people usually find too personal or just too, I don't know, prying and yet I wasn't sure that I could just shrug it off. So I told him how I've been staying with my mom's friend, Amelia at her house and how mom left me everything so that I actually had access to quite a fortune. When she died it had been quite a surprise to find that she had been prepared for it as if she was expecting it. I never understood my mother.

"Then you are alright. I had hoped you weren't in some orphanage. I would, however, like you to come here for Christmas, at least this year." He looked much like a loving uncle at this point but for some reason the image didn't comfort me. I also knew Christmas was out of the question.

The conversation continued for another hour, mostly about me, the only thing that wasn't discussed was the fact that I was a werewolf. I didn't bring it up and he had no such idea that I was one. Lucius rejoined us around the end of our conversation, telling his father that I needed to be getting back to Hogwarts.

**Author's Note: **Nothing really exciting happened...just learning more about her family in this chapter. Next chapter will be much better...some Remus, and Sirius...anyways please review...questions are always welcome.

For any one that likes this story. I do have another Sirius/OC...a one-shot that you might enjoy.


	4. Only Fooling Myself

**Author's Note:** Alright, and here is the second chapter of the day...I really quite liked this one. Enjoy!

**Summary:**

_"I know what you are," he said, now. _

_I stiffened, my eyes closed again, knowing that whatever was to come would probably change me forever._

_"You're a loner," Sirius said, "A crazy, insane, demented, loner."_

_Gemma was a loner, there was no denying it, that is until James and Sirius concern themselves about her and Sirius figures out her so well kept secret, after a day of dodging questions, socializing with family and discovering a lot about herself the only thing one can do is become friends with the guy that you ultimately find yourself liking despite everything he has done to you. Set in the years before the first battle, in the years during the second battle and all the others in between meet the true love of Sirius Black, the girl that he would never be allowed to have if only to cherish the few moments in between. SB/OC/OC, LE/JP/SS_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, seeing as I am not J.K. Rowling. Basically nothing but Gemma is mine and even Gemma's name isn't mine...so...the only thing mine may be the plot but you never know...

**OCTOBER, 1977**

**Only Fooling Myself**

When he left me at the gates I smiled slightly, perhaps happy to be home. I didn't really consider Amelia's place home. I didn't think I would be spending a lot more time with her after Hogwarts, anyway even though I had not idea what would happen to me after Hogwarts, what I would be doing or even where I would be. I hoped that perhaps I would have a friend through it all and that, perhaps, I was to be as far from Sirius Black as it was possible to be. Of course, when I entered the common room, he was the only one there, as if he was waiting for me. He probably had been waiting for me,

"Gemma," He said, my name rolling off his name with such ease.

"Sirius," I said, before trying to bi-pass him and walk up to my dorm.

"Your leg is healed," He informed me.

"I didn't notice," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I won't tell anyone."

"About what?" I asked him.

He glared at me. "You know about what. I won't tell anyone. You should go talk to Remus, though; he's in the hospital wing. You'll see why when you do."

I was about to retort to this but he had already walked away. I didn't know how I felt about Sirius not acting like a jerk. I could deal with jerks much like how Sirius usually acted but him being nice to me, that bothered and scared me, I didn't like it one bit. After he left the common room, there wasn't really a reason for me to go to my dorm, my only reason before being that I wanted to get away from him, so I sat down by the dead fire, and of course, as most things tended to happen, Sirius came to my mind and I was thinking about him again, the way his shaggy black hair fell into his blue eyes. His smile and the way it could turn, in the flash of a moment, into a smirk. I really just couldn't believe I was thinking about him. I mean, this was Sirius Black, a marauder, and one of the most annoying people in Hogwarts, I considered saying that as quite a bit of something, not that this meant denying how cute he was, but what was that about Remus Lupin?

I had always liked Remus; he was a mixture of many different things, cleverness, sarcasm, a certain genius, and perhaps something more. Of course, granted, he was a bit of a weirdo. He had, on the other hand always been nice to me. His only flaw, in my opinion, was that he was a marauder and probably part of the pranks they were always playing on poor Severus, there had to be someone smart behind the plans, after all, granted they were all pretty smart.

Severus Snape. How to describe him, now that he has once more come into the equation? The simplest way was to say that he was a prick, not as much as Sirius was but just around there. Severus however had a reason behind his jerk like attitude and cynical sense of humor. Being teased and bullied like he was, after the kind of home life he lead. He was Lily's best friend until fifth year, his pride getting the better of him was what ended the friendship and since then he had been hanging around certain Slytherins that were, no doubt, up to something bad or on Voldemort's side.

I still talked to him sometimes, when the urge to hear something sarcastic thrown my way became just too much. He was an interesting person to talk to sometimes. He was pretty smart for his age and knew just so much about the dark arts and potions. I knew for a fact he was in love with Lily, however. I think it was really sad how stuck on her he seemed to be when Lily--it was actually quite clear to us with half a brain--enjoyed the attentions she was given by James, even if she denied it to his face.

-

Remus was asleep when I snuck into the infirmary. I could hear his even breathing even from the door. I wasn't just making a trip to see him but to steal some potions and salves for next full moon or time I end up falling down the stairs because I happened to see a floating piece of paper. I first walked to the stores near the office belonging to Madame Pomfrey. I knew where everything was and I hoped that she had enough for other patients so that I wasn't depriving someone of salve or potions. After opening the cabinets I began to slip a number of potion bottles and round salve boxes into a small bag. Once I had everything I needed, I walked back to Remus, opening his hangings. He was turned away from me, curled up in a small ball. I wasn't sure if to wake him, but then for some reason I knew that I had to talk to him. I reached with my hand to touch his shoulder but suddenly my wrist was turned slightly. I let out a small gasp of, not of pain but surprise. I hadn't been expecting this. Remus Lupin had never hit me as a werewolf, but as I pulled my wrist out of his hand and I looked down at his eyes I knew he was a werewolf and I knew what Sirius had meant and I knew he would tell no one.

"Hi," I said, not knowing what else I could say.

He blushed. "Sorry, I...you startled me."

I nodded, not knowing what else I could do.

He seemed to not be able to say anything either.

It's was as if we both knew what we both were, we both knew but we didn't want to admit it, because admitting it, was admitting to another person that you were, in fact, a werewolf. For some reason I reached for his hand and I gave it a squeeze.

"Why do you stay here, in the hospital wing?" I asked him.

"I don't like to see my friends after, a shadow of what I am remains and I hate them seeing that," He said, now, looking a little like his old self. The confidence I had seen hiding behind his amber--when had they become amber?--eyes gone; his eyes, now that I took a second look at them, back to their friendly brown.

"You haven't embraced him, have you, the wolf, I mean?"

He looked at me strangely. "It's a curse, not something to be embraced."

Now, I understood. This was the reason for Sirius wanting me to talk to him. He didn't want to comfort me but to help his friend and while I was offended I also thought this act surprisingly sweet. He was loyal to his friends and he cared for them, I liked this about him. While I was thinking about what I would say to him, Remus looked out the window. I had never noticed the certain grace he had about him when he moved, like a wolf. It made me smile slightly. Aplomb. That was one of the only abilities that I didn't have, even in my werewolf form.

I was about to finally speak when I heard footsteps. They weren't far off and were headed to the hospital wing. Remus pulled at my arm until I was sprawled half on the bed, half on him. He smiled slightly as I righted myself, my head resting on his chest and my arm around his waist. He smelt musky and of chocolate. I closed my eyes taking in his smell and then I heard the curtains being opened and then Sirius was talking.

"Oh, my heart!" He said dramatically. "I never would have expected this! Did she seduce you as she has seduced me, Moony?"

I sat up. Remus was grinning from his spot on the bed. Sirius was laughing silently next to the bed, clutching his stomach. I glared at both.

"Aw, Gemma, don't get mad," Sirius said, having now walked around the bed and attempted to hug me.

"Black," I whined.

Remus was grinning while he watched us. I smiled at him but glared at Sirius.

Sirius looked at me with a mockingly hurt expression before he fell to the ground clutching his heart, ever one for the dramatic.

"This, I believe, is the moment I head off to bed. It's been a long day. Remus, good-night, I'll speak to you tomorrow. Sirius, I'll try really hard to avoid you."

With that said I walked out the door but of course, like a lost puppy, Sirius followed taking my hand without all the dramatics--for once--and walked beside me. For some reason I let him hold my hand, maybe it was just that the small tingle I got when the contact began was something I really liked, or maybe it was just that he was quiet about it and seemed almost like he understood that I need the quiet and that I didn't need him to be exuberant and loud; that I really didn't need him to try to impress me because already I was impressed.

"Gemma," He whispered once we got to the common room.

I turned to him. "Yes, Sirius?"

"I never noticed you before today and I'm sorry for not noticing you. I mean I've seen you around, obviously, but until this morning you seemed to be just, well, normal and ordinary but you're not, are you?"

He seemed nervous and it made me a little amused. I had always noticed him but I had never thought much of him and I found it ironic that he didn't notice me but that the moment he did he thought something of me.

"Sirius," I said; before he went on to tell me something I wouldn't like. "You've officially known me for one day. You were a jerk, and to put it plainly, I have wanted nothing to do with you but you surprised me today and I offer you friendship but nothing more I don't think anything could be built on one day."

He looked put out for a moment but then he was grinning widely and he nodded but I knew that I couldn't be friends with him. I was afraid of being his friend, not only because of all the pranks and because people would notice me but because I knew that liked him I had noticed something in him and I liked him, a crush if you will, and I was scared that with it being Sirius that I would be in for heartbreak.

"Good-night," I told him and walked away before he could speak again.

**Author's Note: **Alright..so after this chapter things take a twist...because this is a ficlet...I wanted to move things along...so next chapter is set in January 1978...where we will see the growth of my original character...well, only a little...might post that sometime before next friday...


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